Friday, December 4, 2009

The Journey Starts Here

What drives me? This is the question that has been in my head lately. This is the question that has confronted me and convicted me over the past few months. What drives me? What motivates me? Why do I do what I do?

I know what I am supposed to say. JESUS. To see the lost saved. To see God glorified. To know Him and make Him known. To enjoy God above all else. JESUS.

But when I am honest, this is not the answer. When the truth comes into view, then these answers-as true as they should be- are nothing more than lip service.

Most days, my own comfort, my own convenience, my own pleasure, my own desire to avoid confrontation and hardship--this is what drives me. I can tell by my actions. I can tell by my desire to sleep in, to eat extra and to reach out to none. I can tell by my heart, by my yearnings, by my attitudes. I get more offended when I am inconvenienced than when the Gospel is attacked. I spend more time filling my plate than praying for the hungry. I am more concerned with my facebook, than spending time with my wife, my kids or my God. Comfort, leisure, entertainment, convenience--this drives me on most days.

On good days-which seem to be few and far between), what drives me is my beautiful wife. Loving her and helping her and enjoying her. My kids-Will and his brains, Renato and his heart and Avryn and his grin-these boys who are flesh of my flesh, these boys whom God has place in my care to grow into men, these boys who trust me and idolize me and who will gain their perspective on God fromme--these boys drive me. Caring for my family. This drives me.

And then there are those days. Those days that come once in a blue moon(I have no idea what that idiom refers to). Those days that I seem to "get it"-God drives me. God is why I exist. Whether it is uncomfortable, scary, confrontational-whatever- God drives me. It has become my goal for this to be everyday. This blog will be me sharing from Scripture; from great men of God and from lessons I am learning- but mostly it will be me being accountable. Me telling the world that I want God to be first in my life, first in my affections. Before my self, before my wife, before my babies, before my momma, before my success--I want God to drive me. I want to be His completely. The journey starts here.